Rather than ending a relationship by taking a conflictual, strategic, positional and often highly manipulative approach many people these days are choosing another way. They are seeking to collaborate on how best they can manage an often very difficult and traumatic situation so that all parties are cared for. After all, if there are children involved it is highly likely you will still be having a relationship for many years to come even though your partnership has ended. So, here are some things you can do in this heady situation to ease the pain for everyone.
1) Find out what your common goals are. For example, it may be that you both put the children first. It may be that each party has a house to live in. By working on the common goals you can keep the overall principle of fairness in mind.
2) Do not think about splits in finances in terms of percentages. Rather think about the future that both parties need to create allowing for different income earning capacities, needs for the children etc.
3) Commit yourself to acting and speaking with respect no matter what! Never bad mouth your X to your children and get sufficient support from friends, family or professionals so that you can vent, talk and air your grievances in appropriate places.
4) Think about the long term goals for your life and the sort of family you want to be. You will still be in a family but now it will look different. Think about the values you want for your new family. This will help keep you focusing on the new future you are creating.
5) Choose the values you want to live while going through this difficult process. You may be angry and grief stricken but so too is your X. The more you can remember this and the more support you can enlist to help you get through this process the more harmonious it will be for everyone.
If you would like support in ending a relationship with compassion please contact me on 0403 814 477 or firstname.lastname@example.org to see how I can help you.