Most people do not want their long-term relationship to end.
Generally, no one leaves a marriage or long-term partnership lightly. These are difficult decisions to make and can only be made after serious consideration and reflection.
Counselling will help to clarify the issues and concerns that might lead to such a decision. After all, wherever you go, there you are! In other words, when a relationship breaks down, the two people concerned take the same issues and problems with them, albeit in a different version, into new relationships. So, learning, before making this decision to end a relationship about your own contribution and the patterns you bring, are essential for healthy development.
However, if the decision has been made to divorce it helps to know that there are ways to divorce that will ensure a better outcome for all and especially for children.
So, if you are facing this traumatic time of ending a relationship and approaching divorce these are things you can consider.
When there is a team to support the entire family, it is possible to change the old communication styles and patterns that caused so many problems in the past. This is done with coaching along the way. It helps to remember and be advised of the needs of children and to understand developmentally what they may need at a given time. A Child specialist can be part of a team in collaborative divorce.
Even though under pressure there will be times when you may act in ways you would rather not, at least if you have taken the time to consider your values, then you have a road map to come back to. You can write them down. You may like to list your three highest values. It may be courage, honesty and patience; or it could be speaking your truth in a respectful way. Perhaps it is making a choice to be open rather than rigidly hold to your way of doing things. There are many qualities you may choose to support yourself through the process.
You may find that you are going through a divorce and that it is not your choice. The decision to end the relationship may not be a mutual one. So, it could feel like you have no power. But you always have the power to choose how you will act and behave even if the situation is not to your liking. Choosing to act in accordance with your own integrity is one such choice.
This post was originally published here.