Stay present to your feelings and don’t rush and overplan
It’s so exciting when we first feel the initial glows of love. It’s not called “falling” in love for nothing. So, when we feel we’ve found our soul mate, we can become over-enthusiastic. We might feel like we’ve bonded so quickly that we already know where the relationship is heading. It could be love at first sight. The pull towards merging can be intense. This is especially true if we are uncomfortable with our separateness. So, taking a few deep breaths is crucial. We may ask ourselves: What’s the rush? Learning to slow it down means we are open to listening to each other and to letting it unfold. We need to allow and invite rather than control and force. We need to let a relationship develop so that we can get to know how we are with this person and how they are. We need to be available to see the opportunities to notice and reflect on our differences as well as our commonality.
We all know that we can be blinded to aspects of another person in that honey-moon period, so slowing it down means we won’t miss important cues. It’s not that we are looking for problems, rather that we are trying to see the whole person and to include the whole of our experience rather than sugarcoat it. If we can relax and let it unfold, we then let go of our desire to control, which is often a cover for the anxiety we feel about getting to know this new person and allowing intimacy to develop. By taking it at a pace that feels respectful we can allow ourselves time to adjust, to transition into the experience of being with this new person and their world, and to allow them to do the same with us.
Men often complain of feeling like women want to control them, and sometimes it is the reverse, but by staying present to our feelings and not covering them with speediness and rushing, with over-planning and regulating, we can be free to watch this space and see what emerges in this new and wonderful co-creation. And to live with the uncertainty that we do not know what will happen and that is OK!
Read the more of this article here.