It’s time to fall in love: with yourself
Like any fear, we need to pause and ask ourselves, how does this serve me? The best thing about this particular fear is that we can be pretty sure that although on some level it seems to keep us safe, that is really an illusion. After all, when we unpack it and look at it in the cold light of day, what is so scary about being with yourself?
Really in most cases we are afraid of separation. This stems back from our early life experiences and how safe it was for us to be in the world and how much we were encouraged to develop trust in ourselves and in those around us. As adults, it is messy. We are not always aware of what is behind our fears. We may not be familiar with the place inside that feels scared to grow up, to be independent, to feel a sense of autonomy and free will. Once we get a taste of our independent drives it is liberating.
Actually, our own power can feel threatening to us. We grow when we take charge of our own lives and are more committed to truth than to being in a relationship based on fear.
No one else can fill us, a relationship or another person cannot be used to take away our loneliness or to make us feel good enough. We have to find this strength from within ourselves before we can ever hope to have a healthy relationship.
Ultimately, this is a liberating process. In developing the capacity to be comfortable with our independence we then grow our capacity to be solid in a relationship. We reduce the risk of co-dependence and of developing unhealthy relationship patterns. We cannot really commit ourselves freely to a relationship until we have let go of the fear that we need another to prop us up. When we stand on our own two feet and act from a place of choice not need we are then able to create healthy relationships.
So it’s time to shake up our paradigms and be willing to grow. It’s time to say what can I learn here? What is my edge? Being single may just teach you how to form a better relationship down the track. It may teach you about who you are and help you develop your resilience and your enthusiasm for your own life. It’s time to fall in love: with yourself; time to invest energy into developing your self and to becoming your own best friend.
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