In my experience, couples who feel excited, hopeful and positive about their relationship have a distinct mindset. They look out for things to appreciate about each other and in turn for ways in which they can support each other. They feel grateful for the opportunity to be together and they are able to express their feelings to each other without criticism, blame or anger.
Be open and receptive to each other and listen to each other, you will instantly find your relationship more fulfilling and satisfying. Happy couples are willing to take on board what their partner says and to demonstrate that they value their partners’ perspective and opinion. They make efforts to understand each other, to walk in the others’ shoes.
Strong couples are quick to forgive when things go wrong and they do not let the minor trivialities of everyday annoyances become bigger than they are. They let go of the small stuff. They do not keep score and it doesn’t matter who initiated a conflict or who’s fault it was, both are willing to move towards each other as quickly as possible after there has been a breach, both are willing to initiate that first step towards healing and build a bridge. They are willing to start over: again and again!
Be willing to change and take responsibility for your own part in your relationship. Couples who feel satisfied seem to have a deep level of personal responsibility and ask themselves often, ‘what is required of me here?’ Listen to your own thoughts and ask ‘why am I thinking that way? What is really going on here?’ Be willing to look below the surface. Defensiveness and a compulsion to ‘fix’ each other can be really detrimental, so let go of thinking ‘if only he or she was a certain way, then I would be happy’.
Great relationships demonstrate a high degree of independence, with partners not relying on each other to be happy. Each person takes responsibility for their own growth and happiness and allows their partner to do the same. Cultivate your own interests, passions and friendships so that your partnership can be characterized by fluidity and flexibility rather than rigidity.
You have to have fun together! Laughter is after all the best medicine, even for a little anxiety in a relationship. Cultivate a light attitude so that you don’t see problems as being insurmountable. Being light-hearted about things and not seeing problems in the relationship as being personality failures is enormously liberating.
Make efforts to stay in contact with what is going on in each other’s world. Ask about each other’s day, greet each other with affection and attend consciously to hellos and goodbyes with a sense of presence so that your partner knows that they are your priority.
You have to be willing to risk yourself, to show up to your relationship with all your human flaws and foibles in order to create high levels of intimacy. While this can be scary for some, a willingness to be exposed in an intimate way will see couples respectful with each other’s vulnerability and courageous with their own.”
For more valuable relationship advice or to make an appointment to speak with Margie, call 0403 814 477.