This is my recent blog as it appeared at The Relationship Cafe advice website
How to Create More Emotional Intimacy… a list of things we can do to enhance our relationships!
Human beings are born to connect deeply with each other and we all want emotional intimacy in our lives. It makes us feel whole and it heals us. It provides us with that closeness that makes our soul resonate with well-being and gets our hormones flowing. Emotional intimacy thrives when we are open to one another and when we are not defended against feeling. So, if we are busy being angry, critical or withdrawing, then our emotional connection will be lacking. But some people only know how to express strong emotion via anger, and so they use this as a way of connecting, albeit a very negative way of inter-acting.
We all want to feel good. We know we feel good when we are emotionally connected. So, we need to learn how to make offers to connect and how to respond to those offers. We do this in myriad ways. We do kind things for each other. We demonstrate affection. We pay attention throughout the day to our partners and we look for ways to offer love and support. We notice our own behaviours and we pay attention to what triggers us. We recognise our style and pattern of communication and we commit to acting and behaving in ways that support the relationship, even when we don’t feel like it. We spend time together and we have fun together. We make our relationship a no-negativity zone and we refuse to let the child in us have the last say in a conflict. We commit to building bridges and to being quick to repair when there has been a breach in the intimacy. We let each other have our own feelings and we refuse to take things personally. We share our dreams and our hopes for the future and we listen from our hearts to what our partner is really communicating.
We treat each other with respect. This is key to making the relationship a safe place and when we make mistakes we own them. Respect, openness, honesty and allowing ourselves to be vulnerable and to be seen in all of our humanity; this is the magic of which great relationships are made. The state of emotional intimacy is supported by all of these actions and behaviours.